Worth It
by colormetheworld
Summary: Very different from most that I've done. Rizzles Friendship. Strong T
1. I:I

Maura is almost three quarters of the way through her first round of grading, when a knock at her door makes her look up.

Jane Rizzoli is standing in her doorway, looking nervous. "Hi, Dr. Isles," she says, and then, seeing Maura's pen poised over a test. "Oh, I'm sorry. Am I bothering you?"

"Not at all," Maura says, setting the paper and pen aside. "I always have time for my students."

Jane visibly relaxes, but she doesn't enter the room, a throwback to when she was in Maura's class and was required to wait for a formal greeting in order to cross the threshold.

Maura taught Jane Chemistry in her junior year, and then had her once again for the first semester of this year in a Senior Elective, "Crime, Forensics, and Speaking for the Dead."

She will admit to herself, only when she is alone, that she was a little sad to see that Jane was not on list when the second semester class rosters were posted.

"Come in, Jane," she says now, a little touched that the teen has remembered, and respected, her class rule. "It's lovely to see you."

Jane's ears go pink just the slightest bit at this. She has gotten control of her blushing, Maura notes, a little disappointed.

"How are you, Doctor?" She looks like she's grown another two inches over the break, and basketball season has added muscle to her biceps and forearms.

"Better, now that they've fixed the heat in the science wing. How was your winter vacation?"

Jane shrugs, moving further into the room and collapsing into the desk she occupied while in Maura's class. "It was whatever," she mumbles to the desktop.

Maura cannot resist. "Enunciate," she says firmly. "And I am certain that you can find a more descriptive adjective than 'whatever.'"

Jane smirks momentarily, but then she looks up at her teacher. "It was stifling," she says finally.

"Interesting choice," Maura responds, hoping she does not sound too interested. "Would you care to elaborate?"

Jane looks away when Maura sits down. "I dunno…My parents don't really…" she trails off, and then seems to pick another topic. "My little brother got picked up for shoplifting, so that made everyone kinda on edge."

"Oh," Maura says gently. "I'm very sorry, Jane."

Jane lets out a breath, as though she'd been worried Maura might be angry with her for her brother's discretion. "Yeah," She says. "I mean. They let him go after Pop went down there. But then he didn't want to give him any of his Christmas gifts or anything."

A deeper, darker emotion passes over Jane's face for a split second, before she masks it with nonchalance. "But he ended up getting them anyway. My Ma always wins in the end."

This sentence falls oddly on Maura's ears, but she knows better than to question it. She leans against her desk, folding her arms. "I caught the tail end of your game yesterday as I was leaving campus. Mr. Henderson informed me you scored over a third of your team's points."

Jane sits up a little straighter, looking cheered. "Yeah. P.S. 116 is chumps," she catches herself and looks up at Maura questioningly. "Are chumps?" she corrects herself hesitantly, and when Maura only smiles at her, she bites her lip, thinking.

"P.S. 116 is full of chumps," she amends finally, and Maura laughs, charmed.

She has to admit to herself that Jane Rizzoli is one of her favorite students. She is bright, inquisitive, funny, sarcastic, and – though Maura would never say this aloud – extremely gentle.

As a senior, and captain of the field hockey and basketball teams (and most likely the softball team in the spring), Maura had seen her stay late to practice with the freshman on junior varsity. She'd seen her stand up for a bullied sophomore mathlete in the cafeteria, and in her classes, Jane had always walked the narrow line between class clown and class champion.

She could be more popular if she didn't do these things, Maura suspects, but the thought either hasn't occurred to Jane, or she doesn't care.

In either case, Maura finds it very admirable.

"So what can I do for you, Miss Rizzoli?" Maura asks, because nerves seem to be overtaking her student again. Her leg bounces up and down under the top of her desk, and she doesn't seem to be completely in control of the movement. These visits from Jane during her free time are not new, but there is a different feel to this one, definitely.

"I…if you're busy, I can come back later."

Maura smiles. "Will coming back later help you to gather your thoughts?" she asks.

Jane runs a hand through her hair and sighs dramatically. "I guess not," she says, sounding a little glum.

"Then why not just come out with it?" Maura suggests. "I surmise that it's not something to do with Science?"

"Surmise," Jane repeats.

"Infer," Maura says. "Conjecture." She has taught every student in her class that when they don't understand a word, they are to repeat it back to her. She will then give them a synonym they will recognize, and one they might not.

In this way, she teaches a child two words without making him or her feel put on the spot.

Only a handful of her students had carried this with them when they left.

"No," Jane says, looking down at her desk. "It's not about Science."

"Or, perhaps," Maura ventures, "even about school specifically?" They have rarely had a conversation about anything other than Science, Jane's hopes for whichever sports team she was currently playing on, or her lamentation about a professional sports team on television. The teen keeps many of her deeper emotions close to her chest, and it is very rarely that Maura gets a glimpse of this real person underneath the armor.

Jane chuckles. "You're good at surmising," she says. "I was…I just hoping that you could…I wanted to ask you a couple…" She shrugs her shoulders again, sliding a little lower in her seat. The English language seems to have defeated her.

Maura stands up, moving to sit at the student desk across from her, because she understands that feeling very well, and because she thinks she knows the reason for Jane's visit.

"I saw you over break," Jane bursts out. And then she is speaking quickly, trying to explain herself.

"At a seafood place," she continues, sounding apologetic. "Frost got a couple extra shifts as a busboy at Reel Seafood. And when I can get the truck going I pick him up so he doesn't have to take the bus. And I was hanging around, waiting for him and I…" she looks up into Maura's face and then back down, flushing with embarrassment down into her collar. "I saw you."

Maura can't help but laugh. Jane looks scandalized. "It's alright," she says to the teenager gently.

"I didn't tell anyone," Jane interrupts. "Sorry, I didn't mean to cut you off. I just…don't want you to worry."

Maura has to resist the urge to reach out and pat Jane's arm. The sweetness of this statement pricks her like the thorn of a rose. "It's not like you uncovered some great secret," she says easily. "We obviously weren't hiding. And we wouldn't. I wouldn't. _I_ am not ashamed."

Jane stares at her, eyes wide.

Maura raises an eyebrow. "You think I should be?"

"No!" Jane shakes her head vigorously. "No! I don't think that. I just…you never mentioned that you, uh, that-"

"I have a wife," Maura fills in, and she smiles as Jane blushes crimson once more. "Is it something I should have mentioned?" She asks lightly. "I wear a wedding ring."

Jane's eyes flick to Maura's hands, folded on the desk in front of her, and then seem to freeze there. "Yeah," she says after a minute. "I just…"

"Made an assumption," Maura finishes for her.

Jane smiles, Maura's Chemistry lessons clearly her mind too. "I made an ass out of just me this time though, I guess," she says. "I'm sorry, Dr. Isles."

"You have absolutely nothing to be sorry about. You're right, that I don't make a point of flaunting my personal life."

"Yeah. No!" Jane corrects herself hurriedly. "Yeah, I mean. I get it." She picks intensely at her nails, clearly trying not to ask any of the questions that Maura can practically see spinning around in her brain."

"Jane," Maura says gently. "You stated you wanted to ask me a couple questions."

She gets a nod in return, but no eye contact.

"So, you may ask me any questions you like. If I find one or more of your inquiries to be…out of line, I will decline to answer."

The teenager swallows visibly. With some difficulty, she stops her knee from bouncing up and down. "When did you know?" She asks, her voice almost a whisper, "that you…you know…"

"Well," Maura leans back in the desk, considering her answer. "I realized I was attracted to women as well as men when I was about thirteen or so."

Jane glances up at her, surprised, having caught the meaning of her sentence, and Maura pauses, thinking she might say something about it, but when the silence stretches, she continues. "And at first I was very frightened. I thought something was wrong with me."

She is worried for a moment that this is too on the nose to work, that Jane will realize her ploy and will storm out.

But Jane stops fidgeting completely. She looks at Maura with dark, searching eyes, and this time Maura has to work not to let her own cheeks color.

"What happened?" Jane asks, a vague enough question that she could just be interested. But her body language says something else entirely.

"I told my parents," Maura says. "And my father was shocked, and angry, and told me in no uncertain terms that I was to put the thought out of my mind."

Jane swallows. "And your mother?"

"She was…less shocked, and less angry," Maura says gently. "But it took her a long time to accept me. And when I married Lily, it felt as though all the progress we'd made was undone for a while."

Jane presses her fingers together, then links them, Mara sees her mouth move faintly over the name. _Lily._

"Are, um," Jane clears her throat. "Are you religious, Dr. Isles?"

They are creeping closer to it, Maura can tell. She tries to sound as though she hasn't guessed, that she doesn't feel a bit like she's committing a betrayal with her answer. "No," she says gently. "My family was never very religious."

Jane nods, ducking her head. She seems unable to speak, and Maura realizes after a moment that she's choked up.

"Jane," Maura says. And though it is against school rules. Though it could very easily end her career, she reaches out and puts her hand on her student's arm. "It's going to be okay."

"Casey broke up with me…Sort of," Jane manages. "He said I was a dyke."

Maura frowns, squeezing Jane's arm. "Even if you find yourself exclusively attracted to women, you are not a dyke."

"I didn't-" she takes a deep breath. "I didn't want to have sex with him. It didn't feel right."

Maura's frown deepens. "The decision to be intimate with _anyone_ is yours, and yours alone," she says. She wants to say much more, wants to _ask_ much more, but the tightrope walk of this conversation is threatening to throw her off balance.

"When did you?" Jane asks suddenly, momentarily diverted from her malaise around Casey. The look on Maura's face makes her backtrack, looking nervous. "Sorry! I didn't mean to ask that…it can be one of the questions you decline to answer…like you said."

And Maura should move her hand, and she _should_ decline to answer, but she doesn't.

How she _wishes_ someone had answered her questions when she'd had them.

"I was twenty three," Maura says. "And I…when I let myself be happy," Maura can't help smiling. "It was as though I had been given an entirely new life. One in which anything was possible."

They sit in silence for a while. Maura pulls her hand away from Jane's arm slowly, and she has just begun to think that maybe she has done all she is able, when Jane leans forward, just a tiny bit.

"Could I change it?" She asks, whispering now, though the hallway outside of the classroom is deserted. "If I really, really tried? Could I change it?"

Maura wants to cry at the heartbreaking earnestness of the question. "No," she says softly. "Speaking scientifically, as well as from experience, you can bury it, deny it, compartmentalize it, and blind yourself to it, possibly for your entire life. But you cannot change it."

Jane wipes at her eyes with her free hand.

"But you deserve a life in which anything is possible. Your sexuality-" Jane throws her a glare at the word "-has no bearing on your ethics, your morals or your ability to fulfill your dreams. And I think you might find that in College, you'll be freer to-"

But Jane laughs at this, and Maura pulls up short. "I'm not going to College, Dr. Isles," she says, in answer to her teacher's questioning look.

"What?" Maura is genuinely surprised. "Why?"

"Where would I go?" Jane still looks amused, as though she and her teacher are playing a game.

"You could go anywhere you like," Maura says, "There are several amazing schools here in Boston. I received my undergraduate degree from Boston University. And I-"

"I mean where do normal, non-geniuses like me with no money and shit grades go?" Jane asks. "Sorry," she adds as an afterthought. " _Poor_ grades."

"Your freshman grades were weak," Maura says honestly, "but you're _much_ improved, Jane. And you are currently in the top 10% of your class."

"How do you know that?" Jane asks curiously.

"I'm on the College Counseling committee here," Maura answers. "And there are so many different kinds of scholarships. I can think of five off the top of my head that you qualify for. Money and poor self-esteem should not limit your dreams. Especially when there is no need for them to do so."

Jane seems to be caught up in thought. Maura lets her be, hoping she's planted at least two seeds in her student's mind.

They are still sitting there when Casey Jones strolls by the classroom door, and catches sight of Jane.

Casey is a tall, handsome, moderately bright senior. Maura has him this year for AP Organic Chemistry, and though he is not one of her brightest students by far, he manages to hold his own.

"Jane!" he calls in the door, and Maura sees Jane flinch at his voice.

"Hey, Casey."

"Don't tell me you got detention again!" Casey moans. He has not lifted his eyes to Maura, and he watches Jane with what appears to be a mixture of jealousy and possession. "We gotta talk."

"Nah," Jane says. "I was just…asking Dr. Isles about some stuff."

"Well put some fast in that ass and meet me outside okay?"

"Language," Maura says automatically, and Casey's eyes shift to hers for the first time.

"Apologies, Doctor." If Maura were better at nuance, she would be able to pinpoint the tone of voice with which some of the boys say her name.

Casey looks back at Jane. "See you out there?"

Jane's whole body has tightened. She is looking at a spot by the doorframe near his head, and not directly at him. "Yeah," she says. He doesn't seem to notice.

She does not relax until his footsteps fade away.

Maura feels uneasy. "Just because you and he were, or are, romantically involved does not mean he has a say on how you live your life," she says.

Jane snorts. "Yeah," she says, though her sarcasm lacks its normal bravado. "Tell him that."

This cannot be ignored. "Jane, what you said before," Maura begins, and then decides that directness works best with this teenager. "Did he hurt you?" she asks bluntly, and her breath catches when Jane makes a motion with her shoulders that she cannot decipher.

Her hand reaches out to Jane's arm again, and tightens involuntarily. "Miss Rizzoli," she says authoritatively, and Jane's eyes snap to meet hers. "Did. Casey. Jones. Hurt you?"

If this is a secondary reason for Jane's confidence in her, Maura doesn't have the slightest idea what she will do.

Jane shakes her head. "Not really," she mumbles.

"That is not good enough," Maura says immediately, falling back on the phrases she uses when teaching. "Elaborate, please."

"We…started," Jane says, the color rising in her cheeks. "I'd…done some stuff, with this girl…and I wanted to prove to myself that it was just…" She trails off at all the difficult junctures, and Maura fills them in with her own history, her heart aching. "So we sort of started to, like, and he was really into it…But I...It felt wrong. He felt wrong, and I told him to stop. He didn't really."

It is difficult to breathe. "He didn't really…stop?" Maura presses.

Jane shrugs. "I sort of gave in," she says, her voice has dropped to almost a whisper, and Maura stares at the girl sitting across from her, horrified.

That's all she is, really. The thought hits Maura like a blow.

Jane is still just a child, who is afraid of her religious parents' reaction to her sexuality. She is frightened, and she has nowhere else to turn.

"High school can be difficult for all types of people," Maura says, though she immediately regrets how canned the line sounds. "I just mean," she tries again. "It can seem hopeless, yes. But you mustn't give up."

Jane shakes her head slightly. She moves to stand, and Maura rises with her. She wrings her hands as the teenager heads to the door, she wants to say more.

She wants to embrace Jane, and tell her that she must keep going. Must put one foot in front of the other, until the day when she looks up and realizes that she has reached the other side.

Jane turns at the door to the classroom to look back at Maura.

"Dr. Isles."

"Jane."

"Thanks."

Maura beams. "Of course. Anytime, Jane. I meant that."

The teen turns away, but then spins back again. "Remember how Joey called you a stuck up bitch before break? And you couldn't even give him detention for it?"

Maura remembers every single taunt that any child has ever thrown at her. "Yes," she says simply.

And Jane grins that sly grin that Maura has come to recognize from her. "Well," she says, grin widening. "I'm the one who put him on those crutches."

Maura wants to laugh and cry at the same time. What a miraculous, lovely, protective girl she has found, buried here in the middle of Boston.

"I do not condone violence against others," Maura says, in the semi-stern voice she uses when some of her male students' roughhousing gets out of hand.

And Jane smiles like she knows what Maura really wants to say, and she turns away and disappears out the door.


	2. I:II

Maura is sitting cross legged on the couch in the living room, catching up on work e-mails when she receives one that makes her stomach drop.

"Oh…no," she says out loud, and across the room, Lily looks up from her case file.

"That sounds worse than your usual plagiarism sigh," her wife remarks. "Something you want to share?"

Maura touches two fingers briefly to her forehead. "One of my students…former students…her younger brother's financial aid has been revoked."

Lily closes the file on her lap, eyes widening a little. "That sounds serious," she says. "What did he do to earn that punishment?"

Maura is still scanning the email, as though it will tell her details on the feelings of those involved, and not just the facts. "He…was arrested for breaking and entering," she says. "And robbery."

"Yikes," Lily says mildly. It takes a fair amount of drama to upset her in any real way. Her steady, calculating nature is one of the reasons Maura loves her. " _Arrested_ arrested? Like BPD?"

"Yes," Maura confirms. "Oh, his sister must feel awful."

"Is there anything I can do?" Lily asks. She stands and comes to sit down next to Maura, looking at the email over her shoulder. "It's not my department, but a couple guys I know just transferred to booking and I can see if he's…Ah." She stops short, and when Maura looks around at her, she finds Lily looking back with a bemused look.

"What?" Maura asks, though she already knows.

"Rizzoli," Lily says, just a hint of teasing in her voice. "Of course."

Maura rolls her eyes. "I would be just as upset about any other student's sibling," she says firmly.

Lily studies her for a moment. "You're not scratching, so you must believe that," she says with a faint smile. "But it isn't the truth."

Maura opens her mouth to protest, but Lily continues over her. "I'm not picking on you, love. I think it's sweet that she's found someone to confide in, and that you've found a worthy mentee. But you can't deny that you favor her over your other students."

Maura frowns. She doesn't like to be contradicted, especially when she's on the losing end of a fight. "She's not currently one of my students. And I'm helping several seniors with their college applications, not just Jane."

Lily laughs, a quiet, unassuming sound that makes Maura smile, despite herself. "Methinks she doth protest too much," Lily says, definitely teasing now. She wraps her arms around Maura and kisses the side of her head. "Seriously though, Maura, be careful, okay?"

Maura nods into the embrace. "Yes. I've already promised."

"I know. But kids can be capricious and really…fuckin' shitty sometimes. Sorry," Lily ducks Maura's halfhearted swat. "Especially when they're scared or cornered."

"I'm not cornering Jane," Maura says. "We haven't even spoken since she submitted her last application two weeks ago. And as far as I know, she's still allowing that immoral, manipulative boy to hang around her."

"Jealousy," Lily says. "The first warning sign that your wife is going to leave you for a younger woman."

Maura scoffs, burrowing deeper into Lily's arms. "I don't want a romantic relationship with Jane Rizzoli," she asserts. "If anything, I want…to _adopt_ her. I can't imagine how hard this is on her."

"Yes you can," Lily says, kissing the crown of her head. "That's why you care so much. I just want you to be careful. It's 2002, but the world still has its bigots."

Maura wiggles around so that she can kiss her wife on the lips. "Yes, Detective Rush. Thank you, Detective Rush."

Lily laughs into their kiss, but pulls up short, pointing as Maura's African spurred tortoise trundles into the room from the kitchen.

"Turn Bass around," Lily says. "I don't want him to see what I'm about to do to his mother."

Maura snorts. "He doesn't have the ability to process human intimacy, Lil," she says, but she gets off the couch and gently redirects him.

" _You're_ the one who's always telling me how smart he is!" Lily says reasonably, but when Maura turns back to the couch, Lily opens her arms, signaling that she does not want an argument, and Maura happily sinks back into her favorite position.

"I love you, Doctor," Lily says softly. "No more work, now. Okay?"

And Maura hums in agreement, sliding her hands under her wife's shirt.

…

….

Maura takes Lily's advice, and does not seek Jane out on Monday, and so it's not until Wednesday that Maura sees her again.

She is leaving early, heading out of the main exit towards the faculty parking lot, when she sees a cluster of kids hanging out buy the bus port. She realizes with a jolt that the girl at the center of the group is Jane.

She is sitting on the bench, hunched over with her elbows on her knees and her hair through her face.

Next to her is a Junior that Maura recognizes from her AP Biology class, Barold Frost. There are a couple others that Maura doesn't recognize, and as she draws closer, a big yellow school bus rumbles around the corner and heads towards the bus port.

All of the kids crowd towards the place where the doors will open to let them on, except for Jane, Barold, and another boy who Maura identifies as Jane's middle brother, Francesco Jr.

The doors to the bus slide open, and the kids clamber aboard, Maura makes her decision to call out. Jane has not moved.

"Everything okay over there?" she calls.

Barold and Francesco turn to look at her, and after a glance at each other, Barold jogs over to her. "Hi Dr. Isles," he says with a weak smile.

"Mr. Frost," she says. "Is everything alright?"

"Uh…It's just Frost," he says, which is his usual greeting. "And yeah, we're good."

"Miss Rizzoli seems to be in pain," Maura says carefully. "Are you sure?"

Frost looks torn, and then supremely relieved when Jane's brother calls his name. He gives Maura a guilty look, and then turns and jogs back to the others. For a moment, the two boys seem to be debating something, and Maura sees Jane lift her head to add something to the conversation. But then, the school bus driver honks his horn, and with swift, backward glances, both boys turn and board the bus, leaving Jane behind.

Maura watches as the vehicle pulls back, and out of the parking space, and then she calls out for the second time.

"Jane?"

Jane turns to look at her, and though her eyes seem a little bloodshot, she is not crying. Not really.

"Are you alright?" Maura moves closer, and Jane stands, pushing her hair out of her face with both hands.

"Yeah," says unconvincingly. "Hey, Doctor." She looks at the pavement for a while, and Maura is about to walk away when she speaks again. "We made it into the Regional championships, did you hear?"

"The basketball team!" Maura nods. "Yes, I did. Congratulations!" Something occurs to her, and she glances down at her watch. "Wait a moment…Isn't that…"

"Yeah," Jane says. "That was the fan bus going to cheer them on."

Maura didn't think it was possible to feel so upset over a sports event that has nothing to do with her. "Would you like to tell me why you're not in attendance?"

Jane looks at her sharply, as though she is unsure if this is a joke. "You want me to tell you?"

Maura nods. "If you'd like to. You seemed particularly distressed and sometimes discussing the source can help."

Jane has been watching her as she speaks, and as Maura finishes her explanation, the teenager sighs. "I guess I'm overreacting," she says.

"Sports are important to you," Maura says, trying to keep her voice neutral.

"I couldn't afford to go," Jane says quietly, eyes dropping back to the ground. "My brother…Tommy, not Frankie, he got in more trouble." Jane pauses, like she expects Maura to ask what the trouble is, and when Maura doesn't, Jane looks at her curiously, continuing on.

"My parents had to spend the money they put aside to send me to Regionals on him," she says slowly. "And there was only enough left over for one of us to go on the fan bus…so I let Frankie go."

Maura finalizes her decision to never have children right then and there. She can barely handle Jane's look of dejection and resignation, she doesn't want to think about what a similar look would do to her when coming from her own flesh and blood.

"I'm very sorry," Maura says, stepping closer. "It must have been hard to hear that you couldn't go."

Jane nods, but doesn't seem able to respond immediately. Finally she takes a deep breath. "Thanks," she mumbles.

"And letting your brother go in your place was extremely selfless."

Jane manages a weak smile. She nods jerkily. "I hope we win anyway," she says gruffly. "I'd really like for there to be a trophy with my name on it that was in the case forever, you know?"

Maura makes a noncommittal sound, and Jane grins at her. "Like, it would be proof that I was here. That I really belonged and helped change something here."

"You belong at this school, Jane," Maura says, taken aback.

Jane shrugs. "I mean like more than a charity case," she says quietly, and Maura doesn't know what to say to this. She doesn't know how to comfort a type displacement that she has never felt.

So what she says is "Lily – my wife – she used to have a hard time believing that she deserved certain things as well."

Jane is picking at her cuticles again, but she nods to show that she is listening. "She went through some very difficult things as a child, and it was hard for her to believe in herself. Or to believe that anyone would see her as something other than a person who deserves pity.

This makes Jane look up suddenly. "Yeah!" she says eagerly. "Like, I don't want people to think because we're poor that we're not worth anything. I don't want people to think Tommy's a bad kid. He's not a bad kid, he just hangs out with the wrong guys, you know?" She doesn't wait for Maura to answer. "That's why I don't want to, like, upset everyone. It'll just give people another reason to pity me."

When Maura doesn't answer, Jane looks as though she thinks she's offended her. "I don't mean that you or Lily – oh, my God, I mean Mrs…Isles? – That sounds _so_ weird. I mean, not _bad_ weird. Just like…you're the only Isles I know and you're a doctor. So calling any Isles Mrs. is…" she catches herself before her speech tumbles off a cliff. "I don't mean that you or her should be pitied."

Maura chuckles, "I appreciate that."

Jane smiles sheepishly. She turns and sits back down on the bench, dipping her head so her hair falls through her face again, and after a moment, Maura joins her, crossing her feet at the ankle.

She realizes Jane is crying too late to get up and leave her alone, which is probably what she would have wanted. But after a couple minutes of silence, Jane sniffs.

"I really wanted to go," she says softly.

"I know," Maura replies. She puts her hand on Jane's shoulder without really thinking about it.

"It felt like…you know…the only thing I was looking forward to. Basketball is the only place where I feel like myself. Like I don't have to be...pretending all the time." she takes another deep breath. "And hanging out with you."

"I...thank you. That means a great deal to me." Maura does not know what else to say. She feels woefully inadequate in the face of this.

"Was school hard for you?" Jane tilts her head to look up at Maura.

Maura nods, rubbing Jane's shoulder absently. "It was torture," she says softly.

"But you got through it," Jane says, like a reminder.

Maura nods. "I got through it."

They sit for a moment longer, and Maura watches a car pull out of the faculty parking lot and head for the main road. Jane sighs next her her, and Maura suddenly remembers Lily's warning from the other day, and quickly, the optics of sitting alone on a bench with her hand on the shoulder a crying student make her almost jump her to her feet. "I have to go."

Jane looks around at her, startled.

"I'm sorry," Maura says, and though she knows immediately that she has chosen the incorrect way to handle the moment, but she cannot change it now. "I just realized that I'm late." She is, but not for anything in particular, and she can tell by Jane's expression that she is disappointed at the abrupt end to their conversation. Maura hopes she doesn't blame herself.

Jane doesn't stand, but she nods, looking away. "It's cool," she says, trying for casual.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Jane, okay?"

Jane nods again, not looking around. "Kay," she says.

Maura doesn't see Jane the next day, or the day after that, and she is under the impression that she's being given 'the cold shoulder' until she overhears a math teacher in Faculty lounge say that Jane Rizzoli fell asleep during his test.

"Between the part time job she says she's got, and that little thug she's running around after since we expelled him? It's not all that surprising," she hears him say.

Maura stirs her coffee, and does not offer anything to the conversation.

…

…

Parents' Night at Boston Prep is Maura's second least favorite time of year. She hates the first day of school the most, with its new people and re-establishing of rules. On the day in September when the new school year starts, Maura is usually as loathe to get out of bed as the average teenager, and she spends a longer time in front of the mirror, preparing, than any other day.

But Parent's Night is a close second on the list of horrible things. It is one of two times every year when parents are invited to come into the school and converse with their children's teachers.

"Well," Maura remembers telling Lily, early on in their relationship, "The administration calls it conversing. I would call something more accurate…like interrogating."

She arrives early, and has just enough time to drink one plastic cup of the awful red punch served at functions like this, before the parents begin to file into the auditorium in groups.

Maura sees several parents of her current students, mostly those of her good students. She doubts the two juniors who are failing her class even told their parents there was a night when they could come and talk to all of the teachers. She supposes that would be akin to some sort of teenage suicide.

Maura has decided to go back to the refreshment table for one of the bland looking cookies, when a woman taps her on the shoulder.

"Are you Mrs. Isles?" the woman asks tentatively.

"Doctor, actually," She says with a smile, holding out her hand. "Yes, I am."

The woman's face breaks open into a wide grin, and in the moment when her eyes crinkle at the corners, Maura knows exactly who she is. "Dr. Isles!" the woman cries. "I'm Angela Rizzoli, It's so nice to finally meet you!"

"It's nice to meet you as well," Maura says, forcing herself to believe this so that she will not come out in hives.

Angela looks over her shoulder, and gestures at a man who must be her husband. "Frank!" She calls, "I found her!" She turns back to Maura with a smile. "It's the first time in four years Frank and I were able to make it to Parent's Night," she says a little breathlessly. "We always had something else going on, wouldn't you know it. But this year, I said to Frank that we were going to make it no matter what. I mean. It's not every year that you have a kid who's graduating, you know?"

Frank has come to stand beside his wife, and as he catches the tail end of her sentence, he snorts. "Feels like it, though, with the commotion they cause. Frankie'll be a senior before we know it, and we'll have another one of these things."

He laughs, and Maura smiles politely, unsure if there was even a joke in his little speech for her to fail to understand.

"Well," she says. "I adored having Jane in my classes. She has such an inquisitive mind. She was one of my top students."

Angela beams at her. "Did you hear that Frank?"

Frank nods, looking satisfied. "I told you Ange, she's got a hell of a future in front of her."

Maura feels her spirits lift with these words. She nods enthusiastically. "She does!" she agrees. "Though she doesn't always have the most faith in herself. She and I spoke a few times about her plans for next year...and beyond." Maura finishes slowly, realizing that she could be traveling into dangerous territory, but Angela nods, like she is completely in sync with everything Maura is saying.

"Yes," she says. "We know. Jane seemed so nervous when she came to us to talk about it. Like she thought we wouldn't approve."

Maura can feel her smile faltering. "I'm sorry?" she says politely. "Jane talked to you about...her ideas for the future?"

Frank furrows his brow, looking confused. "Yeah," he says. "A couple days ago. Made a big fuss about it...like we didn't already know."

Maura looks from Frank to his wife, wanting to get some confirmation. Angela nods, smile on her face.

"Of course we know," she says. "We're her parents. It's our job, isn't it?"

Maura feels a flood of relief run through her, so overwhelming that for a moment, all she can say is, "oh, thank goodness."

"Jane wouldn't do anything without telling us. She's a good girl," Angela says, and although this seems like an odd thing to say, Maura nods in agreement.

"She's done so well here," Maura says. "We were speaking a few weeks ago about college, and I told her that I thought she had a good chance of getting into all of the places that-"

"Wait wait wait," Frank cuts her off, looking puzzled. "What are you talking about?"

Maura blinks at him. "I…was talking about Jane?" It comes out as a question.

Frank looks just as baffled. " _Jane?_ " He repeats, looking even more confused. "Wait. Jane and college?"

"Yes," Maura says, "I…thought we were talking about how she'll be able to have a more enjoyable college experience than perhaps-"

"College experience?" Angela says, looking shocked. "Jane doesn't want to go to college."

They stare at each other, and Maura feels like she's walked through an unseen door into an alternate reality.

"I…I'm sorry," Maura says, trying to backtrack, "I just thought that-"

"Why would Jane need an 'enjoyable college experience'?" Frank asks. He is looking at her as though she is mildly dangerous, as though Maura has threatened him in some way. "What about her current life _isn't_ enjoyable?"

"I did not mean to imply that Jane is not happy in her current life, not at all."

"I should say not," Frank says, his voice rising. "I mean, we don't have all the fancy things you all have here, but that certainly doesn't mean our kids can't be _happy_."

Maura shakes her head, looking to Angela for help.

"She said she didn't _want_ to go to college," Angela says again, still looking at Maura with her wide brown eyes. "That's what she said."

Frank puts his arm around her. "Nah," he says, dismissively. "Why would she, Ange? She's got the business to help me with. You don't need to spend a million dollars on that. Makes good money. Learn a trade." He ticks off the pros in Maura's direction, like she's been debating him. "And you can get a pretty full, enjoyable life if you ask me."

Maura vowed after her first Parent Visit Night (after which, she cried for twenty minutes in her car), that she would remain professional and detached. She promised herself that unless a parent or child told her something that she lawfully could not ignore, she would not intervene.

But it is at that moment that Jane enters the room. Maura sees her over Angela's shoulder. She takes three steps into the auditorium, before an arm reaches out from the hallway, and a hand wraps around her shoulder, pulling her back.

It's Casey. Maura sees his smirk, as he pulls Jane back towards him, and the look on Jane's face…

Frank is still talking, still going on about the happy life Jane will have in the family business, and without college, and as Maura looks back to him, he points at her, accusing.

"She doesn't need some upper class, teacher…know-it-all! Who has never done an honest day's work in her life to tell her what to do."

"Frank," Angela says, putting her hand on his arm.

"No, Ange…I want Dr. High 'n mighty here to tell me what _our daughter_ could possibly enjoy more at college than she does at a job with _family?_ "

Maura answers. She hears herself speaking without planning what she is going to say. She is thinking of Jane on the bench watching the bus pull away, and Jane's face three months ago, when they put her applications in the little blue mailbox on the corner by the school.

And Jane's face right now, as she looks up at Casey, and he pulls her toward him.

"She'd be free to explore her sexuality without fear of judgment, or of disappointing you more than she already fears she has!"


	3. I:III

It is as awful as she expects it to be.

It is worse.

The Rizzolis leave almost immediately, and neither Frank nor Angela say anything more to her. She sees them free Jane from Casey's clutches, and watches as the teenager's face fades from relief to apprehension to fear at their expressions.

Jane's name does not appear on the varsity roster for softball that's posted in the student center.

Jane is not in school the first week after Parent's night, nor the Monday, Tuesday, or Wednesday of the next. Frankie goes class to class for her, delivering her homework.

Lily comes home and tells her that Tommy Rizzoli was booked again, this time for assault and battery as well as petty theft. She is worried that Jane's parents might make a complaint to the school. "You can't talk to her, honey," she says repeatedly. "Don't put all you've worked for in jeopardy."

Maura shakes her head. "I feel horrible."

"It was a mistake."

"I outed a student, Lily! I didn't mis-grade a test."

And Lily kisses her and hugs her, and Maura feels comforted, and then angry that she is able to be comforted and Jane is not.

"I'm not cut out for this," she says into her wife's shoulder.

Lily rubs her back. "It's going to be ok."

.

When Maura finally sees Jane, she is alone by her locker. It's Thursday afternoon, and it's the time of day Jane usually came to her classroom to talk. As she draws closer, Maura realizes with a thunderbolt of horror that Jane is sporting a split lip and a good sized bruise under her eye.

Maura walks up to her before she has even formulated a sentence. But Jane glances at her, and then away.

"Leave me alone," she says, and her voice is a growl that Maura has never heard before.

Maura is no longer in control of the words that come out of her mouth. She thinks of the way Frank Rizzoli had yanked Jane towards the parking lot. "Did your father do that to your face?"

Jane glares at her. "Mind your business," she snarls.

Maura crosses her arms across her chest. "Please watch your tone, Miss Rizzoli. I know you're upset, but-"

Jane spins to face her fully, face etched with fury. "I have to watch my tone around you, but _you_ can say whatever you damn well please to my parents?" she hisses. "Is that it?"

"No!" Maura says quickly. "No. What I did was…inexcusable. You can't imagine how sorry I am."

Though Jane looks momentarily surprised by her confession, her face quickly slips back into disdain. "Sorry doesn't fix this, Dr. Isles."

"I know," Maura says, resisting the urge to apologize again.

Jane looks at her for a moment longer before turning away. She sighs and shakes her head. "It doesn't matter," she says quietly.

Maura studies her profile. "What doesn't matter?" she asks carefully.

"Any of it."

Maura catches her breath. "You matter," she says, voice just above a whisper. When Jane's hand freezes inside of her locker, Maura continues, speaking quickly. "You don't have to give up on the things you want. College? A job that's not under your father's control? A relationship where you get to decide what you-"

"I'm not going to college," Jane says firmly. She is still looking ahead of her, into her locker, and Maura understands with a little gasp.

"Oh," she says sadly. "Jane. Just because you didn't get into the places you applied to does not mean that college is out of the question for you. There are other-"

But Jane steps back from her locker, and slams it shut with such force that the entire row shakes. She pulls her backpack down her arm, and practically rips it open, reaching deep inside. She pulls out six crumpled pieces of paper and shoves them at her teacher.

Maura sees the letterheads of all of the colleges Jane had so painstakingly filled out applications for. Boston College, Boston University, Connecticut College, UMASS, Trinity and Wheaton.

Every single one of them begins:

 _Dear Ms. Rizzoli,_

 _Congratulations. We would like to formally extend an invitation to you to join the incoming class of 2007…_

"Oh my God," Maura breathes, flipping through them for a second time, excitement gathering in the corners of her ribcage. "Oh my God! Jane! This is wonderful! Why didn't you report these so that we could put your announcements up on the senior wall? This is so amazing! You have so many options now!"

She looks up, to see if Jane is as excited as she is, and finds that the girl is near tears. Maura cannot tell if it's from sadness or from anger. "I'm not going to college," she says. "They didn't give me close to enough money for even my first semester. But it's nice to know that you – what was it? – 'believe so strongly I can do anything I put my mind to.'" She moves to walk around her and Maura grabs her arm without thinking, only wanting to hold her back.

Jane cries out, her hand coming to Maura's as if to pull her off. In the split second that they look at each other, Maura sees that Jane is frightened. Of her.

She drops her hand quickly. "I-I'm so sorry."

Jane looks down at her shoes. "I'm not stupid," she whispers.

Maura shakes her head. "You're not," she says. "I just want-"

"What about what I want?" Jane interrupts. "What about the things _I_ want, Dr. Isles? How come no one ever asks me about that?"

Maura doesn't have anything to say to this. She is overcome with guilt, and sadness, and another feeling that she in unable to name. She reaches out and puts two fingers under Jane's chin, tilting her head so that they can look each other in the eye.

"What do you want, Miss Rizzoli?" she asks quietly.

Jane looks her directly in the eyes. Soon, Maura thinks, she will be too tall, and she will have to look down at her. "Tell me what it is that you want."

Jane tightens her jaw. "Right now…I…I want my family to love me. I just want them to love me."

Maura nods. This, beyond anything else that any other student has ever said to her, is a feeling that she understands perfectly.

She takes a step back, clasping her hands together in the way she does when she is about to welcome a group of students into her classroom.

"Why don't you head to class," she says gently.

And Jane blinks at her, and then steps slowly around her, nodding in a way that seems to be a little disappointed. Maura turns to watch her go.

"You deserve to get the things you want, Jane." Maura calls after her. And though Jane stops for a brief second, she doesn't turn around.

…

She doesn't see a lot of Jane Rizzoli after that.

The teen stops coming by her classroom to talk, and from what Maura can tell, she doesn't spend more time on campus than is required of her, always leaving to go pick up extra shifts at her part time job.

Jane comes out in the top 5% of her senior class, which means she is honored at a dinner, and gets to wear a special tassel at graduation.

At the honorary student dinner, Maura sees Angela and Frankie Jr., but there is no sign of Jane's other brother or her father. And although Jane and Frankie are all smiles for their mother, when she excuses herself to use the lady's room, both siblings' faces fall into expressions of somber contemplation.

Maura sees that they trade a couple sentences back and forth, sees Jane reach out and pat Frankie on the shoulder.

And then she turns away.

It is two days before the graduation ceremony that Maura tells Lily she wants to change jobs.

Maura's final grading is complete, and Lily has just come off the end of a cold case that closed three, seventeen year old murders, and so they have been lounging around the house all weekend, recovering and celebrating.

"Oh?" Lily puts aside her latest biography. "What were you thinking?"

"I don't know," Maura says honestly. "But…I don't think that I'm suited to work so closely with teenagers. At least not in this fashion."

One corner of Lily's mouth tugs upwards. "You know, I agree with you. But I suspect it's not for the same reasons." She swivels so that her feet are in Maura's lap, sighing when Maura begins to rub.

"Do you know why I love you?" Lily asks, her eyes closed.

"I'm thinking more and more that it's because I rub your feet," Maura teases.

Lily smiles. "Well, reason number two," she concedes.

"Tell me."

"It's because of how…unselfishly you throw yourself into everything you do. And how, although you were raised inside of nothing but prejudice and privilege, you don't expect anything. From anyone."

Maura looks over at Lily, whose eyes are still closed.

"Elaborate," she whispers. "Please."

"I know you think you didn't do enough to help Jane Rizzoli. But speaking as someone who everyone used to see as some poor, useless orphan, you did more for her than you know."

Maura sighs. "First, you were not ever a useless anything. And it was not enough," she says. "And I _was_ selfish, in the end."

"It won't have the kind of immediate effect that you want to see," Lily says. "And loving someone is always a little selfish."

Maura squeezes Lily's foot, but does not confess to what they both know. It may not have been romantic, but it would be illogical to profess that she felt nothing. That she was just doing what she normally would for any student.

"I want to do…immediate good in someone's life," Maura says quietly, mostly to herself.

Lily sits up. "And you do," she says seriously. "In mine. I tell you that enough, Mo, don't I?"

"Of course you do!" Maura says, shocked. "Of course you do, Lil, and you do in mine. Every single second. But the work you do…the cases you solve. It restores peace to people who thought they'd never see it. It does immediate good every day."

Lily grins at her. "And you want that."

Maura nods. "I want that."

Lily presses forward a little more, and kisses her before flopping back down.

"Give me your feet too," she says, closing her eyes again. "I'll reciprocate."

And Maura turns to the side too, and lifts her feet gently to Lily's stomach. "I love you, Detective Rush. You're the best, most immediate good in my life."

Lily kisses her big toe. "Right back atcha," she murmurs.

….

The graduation is outside on the lawn in front of the school. The Valedictorian's speech is long, and even Maura finds it exceptionally boring.

She stays long enough to wish those she taught in their last semester good luck, and then heads towards her car, hoping nobody calls her back.

Somebody does.

Maura turns to see Jane Rizzoli running down the little pathway in her direction, robe streaming behind her, heels in her hand.

"Dr. Isles," she says when she catches up, breathing hard. "You're skipping out on my graduation early?"  
Maura stares at Jane, confused. "I...didn't see any reason to stay."

Jane puts her hand over her heart. "Offense taken," she says, and there is just enough of a smirk on her face for Maura to know that she is joking.

"I wanted to say good-bye," Maura says. "But I didn't want to get you in trouble with your family. I don't know that I'm their favorite person right now?"

Jane snorts. "That's the truth," she says. "But I wanted to say good-bye too." she looks away for a moment. "I'm sorry, about yelling at you."

"And I'm sorry for trying to fix the hurts of my childhood through you."

Jane looks at her, eyebrows raised, and Maura smiles. "What?" she asks. "You're an adult now, Miss Rizzoli. I'm going to treat you like one."

Jane grins at her. "Did you see that I finished-"

"9th in the class. Top five percent. It's fantastic," Maura beams, and Jane seems truly grateful for the praise.

"Thank you for everything you've done for me, Dr. Isles," her smile fades a little bit. "I-I'm sorry that I didn't do everything that you wanted of-"

"Hush," Maura says, shaking her head. And she steps forward and hugs Jane, because she has her diploma now, and noone is around, and because fuck it, yes, she cares about this student more than the others. "You deserve everything you _want_ in life. Don't let anyone else dictate that for you."

"Jane?!" Angela's voice floats down the path, though the woman herself is still out of sight.

Jane pulls away, eyes a little shiny.

Maura pretends not to notice.

"I'll see you around, maybe, Dr. Isles," she says.

Maura lifts her hand, not trusting her voice, and with one last grin, Jane turns and jogs away, back up the path towards the crowd.


	4. II:I

Maura is tired. And it has not been a good day.

She drops her second to last file into the pile for follow up, and leans against the nurse's station, regrouping.

"Are you okay, Dr. Isles?" the tech sitting at the desk is one of her favorites, Susie Chang.

"I'm fine, Susie, thank you." And then, because she has to share the burden with someone, "we're going to lose Briana."

Susie's face falls. "Oh no! Really?"

Maura nods, rubbing her temple. "She's not responding to the latest round. I've just had a conversation with her father. He took it rather hard."

Susie bites her lip. "Has he managed to get in touch with his wife yet?"

"No," Maura says sadly. "All the base will tell him is that she's on assignment and not expected back for another three weeks. Dr. Wilkinson is going to try to make a call. Briana might not have three weeks to wait, let alone however long it takes for Noreen to get back to Boston."

"I hate these," Susie says, shaking her head sadly.

"I do too," Maura agrees. She lifts the next folder out of her appointments bin, her last of the day. She flips it open, trying to reacquaint herself with the preliminary meeting she's about to have.

 _Elena Delgado, four years old. Currently in remission. Mother reports fever, possible loss of consciousness._

Yes. Maura remembers this case file. A woman she'd come through her residency with had forwarded it to her from Philadelphia. The family had relocated four or so months ago.

She smiles at Suzie as she heads toward her office. "Here's hoping this isn't a relapse," she says, waving the folder over her shoulder.

Suzie crosses her fingers.

It is days like this one, ones that last from five in the morning until well after four in the afternoon, that are filled with more bad news than good, that make Maura _almost_ miss teaching. It is days like this one, that make Maura reach for her stethoscope, and the engraving that runs around the chest piece, a gift from her wife on the day of her completion of her residency.

 _Immediate challenge. Immediate change. Immediate good._

She is a doctor two times over now, the top pediatric oncologist in her field, and on most days, the good far outweighs the bad.

Most days.

...

Louisa Delgado arrives at her office four minutes early, with her daughter in tow, looking out of breath, dressed like a mother with a child who might - for the second time - be dying.

She is medium height, with smooth beige skin, and as she sits down in front of Maura's desk, she pulls her dark brown braid over her shoulder for her daughter to play with.

"Thank you so much for seeing us, Dr. Isles. I know that you don't take on very many new patients, and I can't tell you how much it means to us that you decided to meet us."

Maura looks up from the case summary at the woman and her daughter.

"I'm hopeful that our meetings will be nothing but progress and positive news," Maura says, smiling at the toddler on her mother's lap. "This is Elena?"

"Yes," the woman's voice is raspy, a little bit shaky, but she is articulate, and very knowledgable about her daughter's illness. "She was diagnosed with acute lymphocytic leukemia when she was 20 months old. Every single doctor we took her to besides Dr. Martin told us we'd lose her."

"Dr. Martin was actually the one who called me to tell me you had moved and were looking for care in Boston. Mrs. Delgado-"

"Doctor, actually," the woman says, ducking her head a little. "And God, please call me Lou."

Maura nods, "Lou," she says, making a note. "What makes you think Elena has relapsed?"

"My wife," Lou glances down at her watch, and sucks her teeth. "She's late. She said she'd meet us. She said Elena passed out last week. She's been running a fever, she doesn't want to play. At day care, the woman says she won't eat her snack and she doesn't want to get up from nap. She says her stomach hurts...I just…" Lou shakes her head, and much to Maura's surprise, she gets tears in her eyes. "God, this is hard."

Elena looks up into her mother's face, concerned. "Mami?"

"I'm okay, sweetheart." She puts a finger to the corner of her eye. "I'm sorry, Dr. Isles. I'm just really mad at Jane for being late. We made this pact when we got married, you know? She wouldn't police the family and I wouldn't doctor them. We would just... _be_ a family. And when Elena got sick, she did all the appointments, and the lumbar punctures, and the chemo...and I just...I got to just be her mother, you know?"

Maura nods, sliding the little box of tissues on her desk towards Louisa. She is used to people crying in her office. She is used to frightened spouses who have had to take over for absent partners.

She is used to the shock of nostalgia and the twinge of hope that the name 'Jane' elicits, no matter how much time has passed, or how sepia the memories have become.

She is about to answer, to say something bland and reassuring, when there is the sound of boots in the hall, someone walking quickly, purposefully towards Maura's office.

As one, Louisa and Elena turn to the closed door, both looking expectant, Elena looking excited.

"Mama!" Elena says, a fraction of a second before the door opens.

"I'm so sorry, babe," Jane Rizzoli says, bursting into the room. "I got held up in traffic, and then the babysitter said she couldn't stay. But I bribed her horribly and I'm here now."

She falls to her knees by Louisa's chair, accepting Elena as she throws her arms around her neck.

"Mama, you are late. Mami esta llorando."

"I see that," Jane says quietly. "Lou, I'm so sorry, honey."

She slips her hand to the back of Lou's neck, pulling her head sideways a little so that she can rest their foreheads together. She has not even looked in Maura's direction yet, which is a blessing, because Maura cannot stop staring.

This is Jane Rizzoli, _her_ Jane Rizzoli (and no, Maura cannot stop that particular thought either), here in her office.

Comforting her wife...and daughter.

"I'm fine," Lou says, clearing her throat. "I'm fine. I'm just...glad you're here." She looks up at Maura, ashamed. "I'm sorry, Doctor."

And finally, Jane shifts her attention, and meets Maura's eyes for the first time in 15 years.

If Maura's response had been to freeze, then Jane's response is to almost explode. She stands up straight very quickly, Elena still in her arms, her eyes as big as saucers.

"Holy shit," she swears, "Dr. _Isles_?"

"Mama!" Elena says, looking so scandalized that it's comical. "No swears!"

Jane doesn't hear her. She's staring at Maura like she cannot believe what she's seeing.

"You know Dr. Isles?" Lou asks, looking between them.

"Uh…" Jane looks down at her. "She's...the doctor."

"The doctor," Lou repeats, and then her own eyes get wide. "Wait, _The_ doctor?"

"Yeah."

" _Your_ doctor?"

Maura jerks her head to look at Louisa when she says this. " _Her_ doctor?" she echoes, and both women turn back to look at her.

"No," Elena says from Jane's arms, looking truly perplexed at her parent's apparent idiocy. " _My_ doctor."

This statement seems to shake Jane out of the haze of shock she's in. She smiles, kissing Elena on the side of her head, sinking slowly into the seat next to Louisa's. "You're right, chiquitita. She's your doctor at the moment. So let's deal with that first."

Lou, it seems, cannot be so easily swayed. "I thought you said that _that_ doctor was a teacher at your fancy high school."

"She was," Jane says. "I am as much in the dark about how she is now our Pediatric Oncologist as you are, hon."

"I stopped teaching," Maura says, and though they are speaking at full volume, in her office, she feels as though she's interrupting a private conversation.

Jane raises her eyebrows at Lou, and for a moment, her grin transforms her face and Maura is back at Boston Prep.

"She stopped teaching," Jane repeats. It seems that amusement is her ultimate reaction to this situation. "So now she's our kid's oncologist. Naturally."

"Well," Maura says, her reasonable brain kicking in where her ability to fully process is failing, "there were some steps between those two."

And Jane Rizzoli laughs at this. "Good to know," she says. "Look, this is weird as he-" she catches herself just as the little head snaps up to look at her reproachfully.

Jane feigns innocence until Elena looks away and then mouths _hell_ to the adults. "I'll admit it," she picks up, "I think everyone in this room can admit it. This is..insane."

Lou nods, and she throws Maura a look that is challenging, and angry, and also unreadable in its full meaning.

"But can we do the preliminary meeting, and deal with all the...cow poop later, please?" She looks at Maura. "Did you two get far before I got here? Did Lou tell you about Lena passing out?"

Maura glances at Louisa to see if she approves of the doctor answering, and when she does not get a confirmation or a rejection, she nods. "She told me. She also told me she's been running a fever."

Jane nods. She puts the inside of her wrist absently against Elena's forehead. "Yeah. This morning it was 101 even, but it seems to have gone down. Did you take it before you left the house, babe?"

"99.7," Louisa says quietly, and Jane reaches out for her hand. "It was 99.7."

"So it came down," Jane says, and Maura thinks this is more for Louisa's benefit than anyone else's. Jane brings Louisa's knuckles to her lips. "I'm here," she whispers. "Hey, look at me."

Louisa looks at her, and then away quickly, eyes tearing up again. Jane kisses her knuckles once more. "It's okay," she says softly. "We're gonna be okay."

Maura feels a sudden burst of joy, and it takes her a moment to realize why.

Jane is still so gentle. She is so very clearly in love with her wife.

"I looked over the case file this morning," Maura says, glancing down at the paper on her desk. "She's been in remission for almost two years. That's really promising."

Jane nods, and Maura sees her hand squeeze Lou's. "I am worried about the fainting spell, and if it's agreeable with you two, I'd like to get Elena a full work up as soon as possible. Then we'll go from there."

"Big needle?" Elena pipes up, looking nervous.

"She means a lumbar puncture," Jane says. "They are not her favorite."

Maura smiles at Elena. "They are not anyone's favorite, I'm sure," she says. "No lumbar puncture if I can help it, Elena, me entiendes?"

Elena nods, comforted. "Gracias," she mumbles, turning into her mother's shirt.

"I want you to call the office if her temperature goes above 100.5 and stays there for more than twelve hours. I'll have a tech call you within the next day to schedule a work up?"

Jane stands as Maura does, and Lou rises a half second later. She is throwing curious glances at Maura, like she wants to really study her, but is afraid of being rude.

Maura wonders for the first time since Jane entered her office, just what she has told her wife about their history.

"Thank you, Dr. Isles," Jane says, and Lou echoes her faintly, reaching out her hands for Elena.

"I'm going to go to the lobby," Lou says, though this clearly has a hidden message that only Jane can decipher.

"Lou," Jane begins, as though they are about to have an argument they have had a hundred times.

"We'll be in the lobby," Louisa says, a little more firmly. "Decide, please."

And with that, she leaves, Elena waving cheerfully over her shoulder.

Jane turns back to face Maura slowly. She shakes her head, like she'd thought that Maura would disappear when her wife did.

"Jesus Christ," she says, running a hand through her hair. "Dr. Isles."

Maura is relieved that when she opens her mouth, what comes out is laughter. She had been afraid it might be tears.

"Jane," she says. "You are so tall!"

Jane laughs again. "So I grew, and you…became a doctor!? I think you win that time lapse video."

"It's not a competition," Maura says at once. "And I have a, what, twelve year head start?" She looks at Jane, who is just staring back at her, still smiling.

"How are you, Dr. Isles? I mean, how have you been?"

"I've been very well, thank you for asking." Maura suddenly remembers the reason that Jane is in her office, and feels her smile fade. "I wish that we were seeing each other under different circumstances. Your daughter, Elena," Maura watches Jane's smile at the mention of the toddler, "she's beautiful."

And Jane sits down again, heavily. "She's perfect," she says. "But these last few weeks have been kind of a nightmare."

Maura nods. "I can't imagine. I read all the notes that were in the file Dr. Martin sent from Philadelphia. She is very lucky to have beaten it."

"Yeah," Jane sighs. "It was torture for Lou, you know? She's a doctor," Jane looks up quickly, "Like you are, I guess," she grins. "And knowing that she couldn't do anything, really, to help her own daughter was the worst."

"That's when you made the pact?" Maura asks, and Jane looks surprised. "Lou told you about the pact?"

"She mentioned it before you arrived. You handled all of Elena's doctor's visits previously?"

Jane nods. "Wheeze felt like she should be _doing_ something, actively, all the time, you know?" Jane leans forward, animated, and it is like having her back inside a classroom. "Neither one of us is great at patience," she grins. "But not being able to doctor her kid, when it was the one thing she needed, really got to her."

Maura shakes her head. "I can't imagine," she says again, and Jane smiles weakly at her.

"So you read her file," she says, trying to stay cheerful, "You saw her. What do you think? Do you think it's back?"

 _Yes._ "We won't know until we do a work up," Maura says, and then feeling as though this hasn't been enough. "But I promise that we'll do everything we can for her. I'll have the Nurse Practitioner call you to schedule right away."

Jane nods, leaning back in her chair. She sighs heavily, like what she's about to say is bad news. Maura feels her stomach twist unpleasantly.

"So, Dr. Isles, is there anyone else in Boston who is as brilliant a doctor as you undoubtedly are?"

Maura frowns. "You don't want me to be Elena's oncologist, should the need arise?"

Jane sighs again. "No. It's not that," she says. "It's…way more complicated than that."

Maura sits back down at her desk. "Elaborate," she says. "Please."

Jane doesn't. She side steps the request with the grace of a dancer. "Do you have kids?"  
Maura nods. "One. Mags. Margaret. She's ten."

"And Lily?" Jane has remembered the name, though Maura can't remember ever saying it to her as a teenager.

"Still Lily," Maura answers. "We just moved this past year to Chestnut Hill. The commute is a little longer, but the schools are significantly better."

"And you're a doctor now. No more horrible teacher's salary for you." Jane puts her hands in the pockets of her jeans. Maura watches as she gets snagged by a thought that seems to be particularly disheartening. "Thank you for agreeing to see Elena. It means a ton to me."

"Of course," Maura says. "And if it becomes necessary to find her a different doctor, I will recommend some of the best."

Jane makes a vague, wonderfully familiar motion with her shoulders. "Thank you," she mumbles.

They stand there for a few minutes longer, and it is about to tip the scale from thrilling into awkward, when Jane's phone vibrates.

"I should get out of your way," she says, pulling it out of her pocket and checking it briefly. "I'm sure we'll see each other again?"

Maura walks her to the door, wondering if this is a fever dream brought on by fatigue. "Yes," she says. "I'll check in at the nurse's station before I leave, and make sure you're on the call list for tomorrow."

"That's special treatment," Jane says, one eyebrow raised, and Maura knows what she's getting at. As a teacher, Maura was particularly rigid in her stance on special treatment.

"It's for Elena," Maura says.

"I'll take it," Jane replies without hesitation. "Thank you. Again."

Maura watches Jane step into the hallway, reaching behind her to pull the door closed. "See you, Dr. Isles," she calls.

Just like she always used to.

…

…

"Dr. Delgado!" Maura says, standing up. "What a surprise. Please come-"

"Jane is with Elena finishing her work up. I just came to pick them up," Louisa says, shutting the door behind her. "I don't have a lot of time"

"Time for-" Maura begins

"Did you ever have a sexual relationship with my wife?" Louisa has come into her office and closed the door so quickly, that it takes a moment for Maura to catch up, but when she does, she sits down heavily in her chair, shocked.

"No!" She says, knowing she sounds more hurt than anything else. "No!" she tries again. "I never!"

Louisa continues to stand there, breathing a little heavily, looking like she isn't sure she believes the answer.

Maura does not do what she would like to, which is to yell. Instead, she folds her hands on her desk, and asks the other woman to sit down.

"Jane was a student of mine," she says as Louisa seats herself.

"That doesn't stop a lot of teachers," she shoots back.

"She was a child," Maura says, a little angrily. "It may not stop a lot of _predators masquerading_ as teachers, but it most certainly stops actual teachers." Maura takes a breath. "And it might interest you to know that I had – that I _have_ – a wife. And I love her very much."

Louisa sinks back in her chair, rubbing her forehead. Maura watches her closely, trying to understand the motive behind her sudden appearance.

"Did…She tell you that I-"

"No!" Lou's eyes shoot open, and she looks at the doctor, almost panic-stricken. "God, No. If anything, she was more adamant about it than you. I just…I'm a paranoid nut job." She sinks even deeper into the chair. "I'm sorry," she says after a moment. "I…Jane is not always very forthcoming about her past. You were always a subject on which she never lacked for words." Lou shakes her head. "It was clear that she had a huge crush on you when you were her teacher. I guess, when I saw you, the jealousy I never thought I'd have to face sort of reared its ugly head." She looks at Maura, embarrassed. "I'm sorry," she apologizes again.

Maura has fit several more puzzle pieces together. "That's what you meant by decide," she says. "You were asking her to decide if I should still be Elena's Oncologist."

Louisa's cheek get a little pink. "In my defense, I thought you'd molested my wife when she was young and impressionable."

"I NEVER-" Fires up at once.

"I know!" Lou says, raising her hand. "I know…now."

They sit there, looking at each other, and Maura has what is most likely her hundredth realization of the last two days. "I bet we both have a lot of questions we'd like to ask the other," she says, and to her surprise, Louisa laughs.

"I guess so," she answers. Then, after a shrewd look in Maura's direction, she leans forward a little. "I'll trade you one for one."

Maura looks at her, confused. "Trade me?"

"I'll ask you one question about your student, teenage Jane. You ask me one question about my wife, Detective Rizzoli."

"In the spirit of full disclosure," Maura says, pulling her chair closer to the desk. "You just told me one thing I did not previously know."

Louisa grins at her, and when she does, she looks mischievous and pretty. Maura smiles back. "Alright," she says. "You ask yours first."

Louisa doesn't need time to think about it. "Have you ever met her parents?"

This is not what Maura was expecting. "Oh," she says. "Yes. I did, one time, at a Parent Night at school."

Louisa nods but, true to her word, does not ask another question. She looks off at nothing, clearly coming to her own conclusions based on this answer. Maura hopes that they are a little more favorable than the woman's conclusions about her. After a moment, she looks up at Maura. "Your turn," she says, though her face is solemn.

Maura realizes that she doesn't need to think about it either. "She's okay?" she asks, and when Lou looks confused, "I gather from your question that she doesn't speak to her parents, which makes me very sad. But, on the whole, is she happy? Is she okay?"

Louisa looks at her for a long time, and Maura cannot figure out what she's thinking. Finally, she smiles. "Dr. Isles," she says. "You mentioned, when I was accusing you, that you have a wife?"

Maura blinks. "Y-yes?" she answers, though it comes out as a question.

"Well," Louisa says. "I'd love for the two of you – and any children you have – to come over to our house. For dinner."

Maura does not need any time to consider her answer.


	5. II:II

The day before they are scheduled to go over to Jane's house for dinner, Lily sits Maura down at the kitchen table and tells her about Charles Hoyt.

"I didn't know if I should tell you this," she says. She has her elbows on the table, and her hands are pressed together, like she's about to bow her head in prayer.

"You're frightening me a little," Maura says.

"I knew Jane was coming back to Boston," Lily says quietly. "A long time before she showed up at your office."

Maura lets this revelation wash over her, wondering - like an out of body experience - what her reaction will be when blank shock has worn off. "You...what?"

Lily sighs. "I knew she was coming back. I knew before they moved. I," Lily pinches the bridge of her nose. "I've been sort of keeping tabs on her."

Maura blinks at her wife, trying to fit this giant omission into the honest, forthright woman she has known for more than two decades. "You've been keeping tabs on Jane Rizzoli," she says slowly.

"Yes," Lily says. "She joined the force directly out of high school. I saw her that next November at one of my lectures."

Maura nods, feeling anger start to burn away her numbness. "And you neglected to tell me," she says.

"Yes," Lily says simply. "I was worried that...it would do more harm than good. For both of you."

Maura decides to keep stating her questions as though they are facts. It somehow feels easier that way. "You made that decision for both of us," she says, her tone flat. "You felt you could decide what would hurt me without any input from me."

"Her father kicked her out," Lily says, as though Maura has asked. "Her mother used to come to the precinct on Harrison to beg her to reconsider."

"Reconsider what?"

"Her life," Lily says. "I only caught the display once. It was not a pretty scene."

Maura shakes her head. "You should have told me."

"You quit your job," Lily says, sounding a little angry herself. "Because of Jane. Do you think I don't know that?"

Yes. Maura had honestly thought that Lily didn't know that.

Her wife can read the answer in her face. "And now, in the middle of Medical School, when you've finally found something you can really sink your teeth into, I'm supposed to tell you, 'oh, by the way, remember that kid you almost destroyed yourself for? Well she doesn't seem to be getting much better."' Lily looks at her, blue eyes blazing, and for the first time, Maura replays her last year of teaching from her wife's point of view.

"I wouldn't have left you, Lil," she says softly.

Lily smiles. "You wouldn't have meant to, honey, but I know how deeply you felt for her as a kid."

"I wanted to help her. No one ever helped me," Maura puts her hand out, palm up on the table, and Lily takes it willingly.

"It's muddy waters," she says, kissing Maura's hand. "All of it. Jane transferred, you graduated. I had Mags, and we were happy. I told myself that everyone is entitled to their own little bout of insanity."

"We _are_ happy," Maura corrects. "Aren't we?"

Lily grins at her. "I love you more today than yesterday," she says, quoting the first song they danced to as newlyweds.

"Not as much as tomorrow," Maura replies. "But I still don't know how I feel about you keeping those things from me."

"Can we chalk it up to my midlife crises, and my deeply seeded fear that you will abandon me like everyone else?" her tone is light, but her eyes have gone dark, the way they always do when she references her past, or her insecurities.

Maura nods, squeezing Lily's hand. "Yes," she says. "We can. Can we go to dinner at their house tomorrow, and see them as colleagues? Possible friends?"

And Lily nods. "Yes," Lily says "But I have more to tell you."

That is when Lily tells her about Philadelphia serial killer Charles Hoyt, and about Jane's pursuit and capture, and what it had cost her.

And Maura gets up from her chair and walks around to Lily. She sits down on her wife's lap and puts her arms around her neck, the way she would when they first got together, and Maura was simultaneously overwhelmed and entranced by the idea that anyone would want to hold onto her. She sits on Lily's lap and puts her head on her shoulder, and Lily rubs her back while she cries, and Maura takes comfort in the knowledge that she can stay in this position for as long as she wants without any repercussions at all.

…

…

Dinner the next night goes amazingly well. In the car on the way to Jane and Louisa's house, Mags leans forward between the front seats and looks between her mothers.

"You guys are acting real weird," she says, in the new tone of a budding teenager. "What's the deal."

Lily chuckles. "Your mother is nervous," she says.

And Maura gives a faint squawk of protest. "Excuse me," she says indignantly. "Your mother is the one who is nervous."

Mags sits back in her seat with a put upon sigh, and Maura reaches across the gearshift to hold Lily's hand.

And the tension is broken.

The Rizzoli-Delgado family lives on the edge of Jamaica Plain, in a two story house with a front porch and a tiny front lawn fenced off from the sidewalk. When Maura and Mags start up the walk towards the house, a little wiry haired dog comes bounding around the side of the steps, barking excitedly.

"Ooh!" Mags says, speeding up. "They have a dog!"

Maura is just about to caution her daughter, when the front door opens and Jane appears on the front porch. "Jo," she says to the dog. "Stop barking." She lifts her hand in greeting, and comes to pull the gate open for them. "You must be Margaret," she says as Mags squats to pet Jo, whose tail is now wagging furiously.

"Mags, please," Maura's daughter says. "Her name is Jo?"

Jane nods "Jo Friday. Total sucker for a good snuggle." She grins at Maura as she comes through the little gate, but when she sees Lily, her eyes go wide with disbelief.

"Oh my God!" She says, backing up so that she almost trips over the bottom most porch step. "Dr. Isles, you did not tell me that your wife is Detective Rush."

Maura looks around at Lily, who is doing a magnificent job of hiding a smirk.

Jane finally seems to get her limbs under control, and she steps forward with her hand out. "It is...an honor to meet you," she says reverently. "I...would have cleaned the house much more thoroughly if I knew you were coming, ma'am."

Lily shakes Jane's hand with a laugh. "It's nice to finally mean you, Detective Rizzoli."  
"Jane, please. Compared to you I shouldn't even have my badge. You solved the Philips case in two weeks! You took the man who murdered six innocent kids off the street!"

Lily's neck has gone a little pink with embarrassment. Maura smiles. "That was luck," Lily says as they climb the stairs. "And if you ask me, I am also in the presence of greatness. Boston is very lucky to have you."

Jane pushes the door to the house open, seemingly too stunned to speak.

The inside of Jane's house is brightly lit and furnished with comfortable looking furniture. Elena comes running to meet them all in the front hall, though she goes instantly shy when she sees Mags.

"Mami says Wyatt needs you," Elena says into Jane's pant leg, and Maura is wondering who Wyatt is, when they round the corner into the living room, and are met by Louisa, who is holding a baby.

"I have to finish dinner," she says, holding the baby out to Jane.

"C'mere tough guy," Jane says, taking Wyatt into her arms. "Did you miss your mama? Huh?"

Lou rolls her eyes as she wipes her hands on the dishtowel draped over her shoulder. "She's their favorite," she says good naturedly, reaching out to shake Lily's hand. "That one came out of me, Elena has my genes, but who's the superstar?"

Lily chuckles. "Tell me about it," she points at Mags, who is trying to get Elena to talk to her about Jo Friday. "This one would have attached herself surgically to Maura if she'd had the know how. Can I give you a hand in the kitchen?"

Maura glances at Lily as she follows Lou into the kitchen, and then looks back at Jane and her son. And he _must_ be her son, because he looks so much like her that she almost expects him to cock an eyebrow at her and grin.

"You have a son," she says.

Jane bounces Wyatt, looking amused. "I have two," she says. "Lou has a son from a previous relationship. He's out, but he'll be home for dinner. I adopted him just before Elena was born." She tips the baby towards Maura. "Say hi to Dr. Isles, Wyatt. Say hi to my old teacher!"

Wyatt looks at her and smiles.

Maura's heart breaks open. "I take issue with the word old," she says thickly.

Jane laughs. "Former," she amends. She puts her free hand on Maura's arm, just briefly. "Former."

.

It is easy immediately.

Louisa's son Marc comes home just before dinner, a tall, good looking boy of fifteen or sixteen, who talks to Maura about his interest in physics for half of the dinner.

The only dark moment is when Elena crawls into Jane's lap, complaining of a stomach ache, and from her seat next to the brunette, Maura can feel the little girl's fever.

Jane stands, holding her daughter. "Let's go lie down for a little bit, sweetness, okay?" She bends to kiss Lou on the top of the head. "Excuse us," she says softly.

"Is Elena sick?" Mags asks.

"No," Lou says. Maura sees Marc reach for her hand.

Mags accepts this answer as placidly as she accepts everything, and goes back to eating her dessert.

Jane returns as they are all getting ready to leave. She exchanges a couple quiet words with Lou and then follows Maura and her family out on the front porch. There had been a lot of secret eye contact at the end of the meal between their hostesses, and as Jane pulls the door shut behind them, Maura feels her throat get a little dry with nerves.

Is she going to tell them that they're not welcome back? That it was a bad idea?

Lily seems to sense the arrival of a moment as well, because she puts her arms around Mags shoulder and leads her down the stairs. "We'll meet you at the car, Mommy," she says over her shoulder. "It was nice to meet you, Jane. Next dinner's at ours!"

Jane lifts her hand in farewell. Maura's feet feel like they've been glued to the ground. She makes herself start the conversation. "Dinner was delicious," she says.

Jane grins. "That was all Wheesa. I'll tell her. If it was me, you'd be eating chinese take out from the container."

Maura smiles. "And Wyatt is adorable."

Jane tries her best not to look proud. "He's a ham," she says.

"He's his mother's son," Maura responds.

Jane puts her hands in her pockets. "Dr. Isles, I wanted to talk to you before you left, about Elena."

Maura nods, feeling the nerves return full force. "Did you and Louisa have a chance to talk?"

"Yeah," Jane says. "I think it would probably be for the best if we found a new doctor."

"Oh," Maura had not anticipated this rejection feeling like a physical blow. "No," she says. "I completely understand. It's a very sensitive and intimate thing, and-"

"Okay, you definitely don't understand," Jane says with a laugh.

Maura looks at her curiously. "Excuse me?"  
"If you think I don't want you to be Elena's oncologist because I don't want _you_ to do it, then you don't understand. I want to be your _friend_ , Doctor. I mean," she pauses, looking out at the quiet street. "Lou and Lily totally hit it off talking about...God, who even knows. I couldn't follow. You got my teenage step-son to say more than seven words, about _school_ no less. And it was just...a really nice night."

Maura has been nodding throughout this whole explanation. "I agree," she says. "But then you're correct. I'm afraid I don't understand why you wouldn't want me to-"

"Dr. Isles, if you look me in the eye and tell me that my little girl might be dying. _Again?_ I'll never forgive you. I want, I mean, I'd like to hang out again. I know Louisa would love to pick your brain for ideas about her clinic, and I know that if you are always giving me bad news about my kid, I'm going to start resenting you." She looks at Maura for understanding. "I'm sorry," she says quietly.

"No," Maura says, trying and failing to keep the tears of relief out of her eyes. "No, that's, the most succinct and logical explanation I've ever heard. And it makes perfect sense."

"Yeah?" Jane looks supremely relieved.

"Yes," Maura answers. "And if we are going to be friends," she adds. "I think you should start calling me Maura."

Jane laughs. "I don't actually know if I can do that," she says. "It seems so...disrespectful."

Maura laughs too. "Then I will retaliate by calling you Detective Rizzoli," she says, pleased when Jane makes a face. "You have my number, yes?"

"Lou wrote it down." Jane is looking at her like she wants to memorize her face.

"I'll expect to hear from you, then."

"Yes, Doctor."

Maura raises an eyebrow. "Detective." A warning, like she used to give in the hallway, when she caught a student running.

"Maura," Jane says quickly, and then again, like she enjoys the feel of it. "Maura."

And Maura gives a little wave, and then turns and heads to her car.

…

…

It is almost a week later when Jane calls her to invite her out to lunch.

"Can you meet at the precinct? If I have motivation, then I'll finish my paperwork."

Maura agrees, and as she hangs up the phone, she hears Jane say, "shut up, Frost, yes I _will_."

She arrives in the bullpen a half hour later, and when Jane looks up to see her, she rolls her eyes and groans, leaning back in her chair.

"Well that is not the welcome I was hoping for," Maura says.

Jane chuckles, but before she can speak, a dark skinned man throws a piece of notebook paper folded into a triangle at her head.

"I told you!" he crows, and Maura recognizes the playful grin, and the warm brown eyes of Barold Frost.

"Mr. Frost!" she says happily. "I did not know you'd become a detective."

A couple of uniformed men snicker as they pass by, and Frost makes a lowering gesture with both of his hands. "It's just Frost," he says. "Hello, Doctor Isles."

If deja vu were palpable, Maura would be able to reach out and touch it at this moment.

Jane stands up, shoving her hand in her pocket and pulling out a ten. "Here, buy that girl of yours something that's not from the hotdog cart."

Frost makes a face, but snatches the ten from her. "I told you that paperwork wouldn't get done in a half hour. It won't get done in 1,000 half hours."

Jane rolls her eyes again. "Yeah, yeah," she says, motioning Maura towards the exit. "Tell Frankie I took lunch out, K?"

Frost salutes. "Later!"

"Frankie, as in your brother?" Maura asks, as Jane pulls the door open for her.

"Yeah," Jane says with a smile. "He's an officer. He wants his detective's shield so badly."

"So you two speak?" Maura asks hopefully. She sees Jane's smile fade out of the corner of her eye. "I'm sorry. If-"

"No," Jane pulls in a breath. "It's okay. Yeah, Frankie and I are pretty close. He's the only one in my family who I really talk to these days. Though I know he keeps my Ma updated on everything."

They walk in silence for a block and a half, until Jane points her into a deli. "They have the best sandwiches here. I hope it's okay?"  
"It's perfect," Maura says.

When they have ordered and are sitting by the window, Maura gathers the courage to ask more questions.

"So...your parents don't approve of your relationship with Louisa?"

Jane scoffs. "My mother could probably get there if my Pop wasn't so dead set on it being a sin." She looks down into her coffee. "I don't know. It doesn't really affect me anymore."

This is a lie, Maura can tell, but she doesn't say anything. "And...Tommy?" she asks, for she has noticed that the youngest Rizzoli has not yet been mentioned.

Jane's jaw tightens. "Prison," she says shortly. "Another three to five."

"I'm sorry, Jane."

Jane shrugs. "How many chances did he get?" she asks, though it's clear she doesn't need an answer. "Killed my Ma, to see him go."

It is surreal, sitting here with Jane, watching her drink her coffee like it is something she's been doing forever. _She_ _has_ _been doing it forever,_ Maura has to remind herself.

"Are you glad to be back in Boston?"

Jane blows out a breath. "Glad?" she asks, looking thoughtful. "I suppose so. I'm glad to be back with Frankie and Frost. I like my bosses okay. It's wild to see you again." She grins, a lopsided thing that makes Maura smile too. "And Lou is so excited about opening another clinic. The one in Philly was really successful, and that's her dream. So...yes, I think on the whole it's good to be back."

Maura is relieved, though she wouldn't have said this question was causing her stress. The rest of lunch passes quickly and pleasantly, and when they stand at the end of the meal, Maura finds herself sad to have it end.

"This was really nice," she says. "I was worried you didn't mean what you said about friendship." this last part has slipped out, and Jane turns to look at her, surprised.

"What? Why?"

"Oh," Maura searches for something between the truth and a lie, and finding nothing, decides she will have to be honest. "I assumed that after I betrayed your trust so egregiously when you were young, that were we ever to meet again, you wouldn't want anything to do with me. Since I failed you in so many ways when you were-"

"Egregiously," Jane cuts her off, brow furrowed.

For a moment, Maura does not understand. "Oh! Ah, appallingly," she says with a tiny laugh. "Abhorrently."

Jane nods. "Well, Doctor," she says. "You know what happens when you assume."

And though the delivery is almost perfect, Maura cannot be diverted this time. "It's true though, Jane. And I'm still so very sorry."

Jane stops walking, and when Maura realizes and turns to look at her, she sees that Jane is shaking her head, sad. "You have no reason to apologize," she says as Maura makes her way back to her.

"I do," Maura insists. "You confided in me, and not only did I not report your assault. I accidentally-"

"Woah, wait," Jane interrupts again. "My _what_?"

"Casey Jones," Maura says, and to her horror, she sees Jane barely suppress a shudder. "See?" she says. "You have a physical reaction to his name."

Jane stares at her. "He didn't assault me," she says slowly. "He was aggressive, sure. And I was with him too fucking - sorry - long. But-"

"I should have said something."

Jane runs a hand through her hair, looking mildly exasperated. "There was nothing to say, Maura. He was an asshat. But that's not a crime. And I wasn't ready to come out."

They begin to walk again, and Maura is about to say something, to try and change the tone of the conversation, when Jane's phone buzzes.

She pulls it out, and with a quick sorry to Maura, puts it to her ear. "Hey, Wheeze."

She listens, and Maura watches as her face goes solemn.

"Yeah," she says. "Yeah, honey, I'll be there in three minutes, okay?" She pauses again, and Maura can hear Lou's voice, rising slightly. "Baby, whatever he says, we'll handle it, okay? I'll be there in three minutes. Don't let him start until I get there."

She ends the call and looks at Maura. "They have Elena's full work up. Lou's headed to the hospital."

"I can drive you," Maura says. "I'm parked just there, and I have priority parking."

When it comes to her daughter, Jane does not even go through the motions of pretending to decline.

They make it to the hospital in record time for Maura, and she uses her doctor's swipe card to call them an elevator and direct it to the correct floor without stopping.

Jane looks pale and drawn in the elevator. Maura notices her hands are trembling. "Jane," she says softly, and Jane glances at her and then away. She still has trouble making eye contact when she's emotional.

"She's my baby," Jane says heavily. "I gave birth to her. She's...She's my-" she swallows. "And Lou needs me to stay strong for her. But sometimes I look at them, and I think I can't do it. I think…"

"You can do anything," Maura says. She reaches out and takes Jane hand in hers. "You can do this. You are a wonderful wife. You are a fantastic mother. You can do this."

The elevator dings open onto the lobby. Lou is pacing in front of the row of chairs, Marc is sitting close by, Wyatt on his lap.

Jane steps out of the elevator, and Maura sees her shoulders rise and fall with a deep breath.

"Lou," she calls gently. "I'm here."


	6. II:III

It's a long climb to the top of mission hill, especially in heels. Especially with two coffees and a couple of donuts. She is not afraid that she has chosen the incorrect location, she is only afraid that by the time she reaches her destination the coffee will be cold.

She's not out of breath when she gets to the top, not really, but she pauses to reorient herself, turning to face the bench where she knows the detective will be sitting. It is late September, almost too cold for this particular haunt, and Maura pulls her coat a little tighter around herself and makes her way over to the bench.

"Hello, Jane," she says quietly.

Jane doesn't make any real acknowledgement that she's heard, but she takes the offered coffee with a nod.

The bench that Jane has chosen has the best view of Boston, but Maura doesn't think that Jane even notices the landscape. When it becomes too cold, Jane will switch to the coffee shop six blocks from the hospital. And then to the unlocked auditorium of the high school on days when there are no games.

Maura will find her. Wherever she is.

"Mags has invited Elena to her birthday party," Maura says conversationally. "Lily asked if she thought the older girls would make fun of her, and she said that if they did they weren't invited to her house anymore."

She doesn't expect an answer.

"I stopped by the clinic on my way here, Lou wanted me to talk to a teenager heading from remission to maintenance. That place really has come such a long way in the past eight months. I know she was hesitant about asking for donations, but it's worked out very well. She's so kind to everyone who comes there."

Jane sips her coffee, but still says nothing.

Maura isn't bothered. This has been their routine for the past three months, since the hospital admitted Elena for her last and most aggressive round of Chemotherapy. Yesterday, when Maura and Lily brought Mags to see Elena in the hospital, they found Jane and her daughter standing in front of the mirror in the bathroom, making angry faces at their reflections.

"What are you doing?" Mags asked, coming to stand with them.

"It's the four quarter," Elena said in her adorable Spanish accent that never seemed to fade. "It's the four quarter and we're gonna scare that cancer so bad!"

Mags had contemplated the two faces in the mirror. "Can I do it too?" She'd asked.

"Si, the more is best!" Elena had said, not missing a beat.

Jane had turned from the mirror then, to smile at Maura, but her eyes looked dull.

"I brought you a donut," Maura says now, taking the liberty of reaching over to do the top button on Jane's overcoat. "I even went so far as to ask the man for the one with sprinkles on top of this absurd pink frosting, so you have to eat the entire thing."

Jane's mouth twitches, just the tiniest bit, and she turns her head to look at Maura. "Rainbow sprinkles?" she asks quietly.

Maura pretends to look disapproving. "Like they would put any other kind on," she replies, pulling it out of the paper bag. "Here."

Jane takes a bite, and her smile gets a little wider. "Mags is sweet," she says, falling backwards in the conversation.

Maura doesn't miss a step. "She used to beg Lily and me for a little sister. I think this is her dream come true."

Jane takes another, bigger bite of her donut. "Where's Wyatt?"

"Lily has him. I didn't want to bring him out in this cold."

Jane nods. "Thank you."

They sit for another couple of minutes in silence, and Maura waits until the donut has disappeared to ask the difficult questions. She takes Jane's hand in hers before she does.

Always.

"Are you sleeping enough?"  
"I...have dreams."

"Would you like to discuss them?"  
"They make me cry so hard my chest hurts. What if it doesn't work?"

"We won't think about that until we have to. For now we will focus on the present, and the things we can say for sure."

"What are those?"

"You and Louisa are doing everything you can. Elena is in good spirits. She's a fighter. She isn't scared."

"I'm scared."

"You are not giving her your fear."

"Maura?"

"Yes?"

"What time is it? How long until I have to be at work?"

"Sixty seven minutes."

"Can I put my head on your shoulder?"

"Of course you can. Of course you can."

…

…...

" _Hi, Dr. Isles, I'm so sorry to barge in on you like this. I hope I'm not interrupting."_

" _Not at all. It's a nice surprise. What can I do for you Dr. Delgado?"_

 _Louisa hesitates on in the front hall of Maura's house, looking around. "Is your family home?"  
"Mags and Lily are at gymnastics. Is that alright with you?"_

" _It's perfect actually, I was hoping to speak to you alone."_

 _Maura leads the way into the kitchen, gesturing that Lou should sit down. "Well that's certainly a little frightening," she says, trying to keep her tone light. "Can I offer you something to eat or drink first?"_

 _Lou shakes her head, and she waits for Maura to sit down across from her before speaking again._

" _I wanted to speak to you about Jane," she says._

" _That's all that I had gathered," Maura says. "Is she alright?"_

 _Lou makes a hopeless movement with her hands. "I honestly don't know," she says finally. "If she's not, she'd never let me know. Not while Elena is…" she trails off, unable to say it, and already Maura can see tears in her eyes._

" _So, you think she's hiding her true feelings from you?" Maura asks._

" _No," Lou says, wiping her eyes with two fingers. "No. I know how she's feeling. She's scared and upset, and angry." Louisa lets her fingers drift to her temple. "Somehow, she's able to have all of those feelings, and still sit by Elena's bed all night when she's having a stomach ache, and still show up on time to work, and still take care of Wyatt, and show up to Marc's basketball games…" she trails off, looking to Maura to see if she understands._

 _Maura does not. "You...don't think she's being honest with you about her feelings?"_

" _I don't know how she's_ _handling_ _it. She's not going to tell me." Louisa puts her hands in her hands. "I don't know if I want to know. God, is that horrible?"_

" _No," Maura says. "No...It's an extremely stressful time for both of you."_

" _Can you check on her?" Lou asks it quickly, ducking her head like this is a betrayal. "Can you...talk to her?"_

 _Maura is speechless for a long moment. The answer, of course, is yes, but a dozen other questions are sliding into place in her brain, each vying for priority._

" _Why me?" Maura asks, and when Lou looks shocked, she hurries to continue. "I would be happy to. That's not what I'm saying at all. What I mean is, why have you come to ask me, and not Frankie, or Detective Frost?"_

 _Louisa leans back in the chair, and her eyes search Maura's face, like she's trying to find the right words in the doctor's face._

" _Do you know about Casey Jones?" she asks finally._

 _Maura blinks at her. "Yes," she says after a moment of surprised. "I do."_

" _He's the one who assaulted her, isn't he?"_

 _Maura looks hard at the woman across from her. "Jane doesn't see it that way," she says carefully._

" _But you do," Louisa counters._

" _I...do," Maura says. "But that doesn't have anything to do with my-"_

" _She just told me about that yesterday," Lou interrupts. "Last night. She was having...she was having a bad night. She told me about Casey. For the first time."_

 _Maura tries to take this information in. "I'm...sorry," she says, because she believes that's what is needed._

 _But Lou shakes her off. "No," she says. "That's not it. Jane was telling me this last night. She was telling me how horrible it was, how she felt like she had nowhere in the entire world she felt safe, and she doesn't know what to do. And then, like some sort of lighthouse, you just appear in the story and save the day."_

 _Maura looks at Louisa, trying to keep up. "I - like a - what?"_

" _She came to talk to you the next day. Like, right after it happened. And I guess you only spoke about some science thing, or a project or something, but you were kind to her. She says you smiled at her, and you talked to her like she was there, and not just taking up space. That's what she said. And she said it made things bearable. She said she was okay."_

 _Maura does not want to cry. There is no reason for her to cry at this moment. "I...didn't know she felt that way," Maura says lowly._

" _She did," Lou says. "She does. And I know she loves me. I know she loves Elena, and Marc and Frost and Frankie. But to all of us she is superhuman. I think you are the only one whom she is just...a person."_

 _Maura looks at Louisa. She has aged a bit in the four months Maura has known her. The stress of an infant, a sick child, and a teenager has put a couple of extra pounds on her hips, and added some wrinkles to her forehead. But she is beautiful, and Maura sees the way she and Jane look at each other across the dinner table, and in the waiting room of the hospital. She sees the way Lou holds onto her wife in the kitchen by the dishwasher, when she thinks no one is looking._

 _How she must have humbled herself, to ask this of another woman._

" _I'll talk to her," Maura says. She puts her hand on Lou's, and the other woman squeezes back. "I'll talk to her, and make sure she's doing alright."_

 _Lou lifts Maura's hand to her forehead._

" _Thank you."_

…

…

This is what it is to have a community. This is what it feels like to have a job that she loves most days, and a family that supports her, and a best friend.

Maura and her wife and daughter spend Thanksgiving in the hospital with Jane and her family. Frost brings the girl that he's seeing, and Frankie shows up, and they watch football on the mounted TV, and the kids make turkeys out of their painted handprints.

When Mags falls asleep next to Elena in the hospital bed, Louisa tells Maura not to wake her. "It's my night to stay," she says, "If you want I can bring her home in the morning."

And Maura looks to Lily, who smiles and leans down to kiss both girls good-bye. Lou looks like she is going to cry, especially when Lily hugs her.

Jane facetimes them at 5:47 the next morning, three times in a row, until Lily wakes Maura up and they dial back with shaking fingers.  
But Jane is laughing, holding Wyatt up in front of the screen and poking him in his chubby little belly until he laughs too, and says quite clearly:

"Touchdown!"

His first word.

Not all of the moments are tinged with despair and impending sorrow.

There is Marc presenting Mags with a bouquet of roses after her first ballet recital, while the other little girls looked on with equal parts wistfulness and envy.

There is the haunted house that Lily helps the girls make in Elena's room, a hit with the other children on the floor and all of the nurses.

There are the times in the park on Mission Hill, when Jane is the one to take Maura's hand in hers.

"Do you think it's weird," Maura hears Jane ask Lily one afternoon. "That the four of us are sort of the same?"

"Are we?" Lily asks in the tone that tells Maura she's playing.

"Yeah!" Jane says incredulous. She hasn't heard it. "Doctors and law enforcement." She pauses here, and Maura can imagine Lily's face, the half disinterested, half smirk she wears when someone has taken the bait of her joke. "Maura's like Lou. She's a doctor and…" But Jane trails off here. "Oh, you're joking with me."

"It was too easy. You're supposed to be a detective."

"You're supposed to show compassion for your victims," Jane says, laughing.

Lily and Jane get along without ever saying very much to each other. Each seems to understand something about the other that doesn't need articulation, and this is the closest they've come to a deeper conversation.

There is another little silence, and when Lily speaks again, her voice has gone soft. "It is okay to cry," she says quietly.

"She might die," Jane says thickly. Maura has to cross her arms over her chest to keep herself from going into the dining room where they are.

"You're right," Lily says simply. "She might."

Death does not scare either one of them, Maura knows. It is the aftermath that they are afraid of. The pieces that they will be left with.

"What will I do?" Jane asks. It is not in any way a rhetorical question. Maura listens to the silence. She knows what is coming next, though she would never have expected it of her wife. This is an attempt at connection.

"You will grit your teeth," Lily says. "And you will do whatever it is that must come next, because the alternative is to fall apart."

"I might," Jane says, a confession that she could give to nobody else.

"You won't," Lily says.

No. This is more, Maura realizes. This is a willingness to accept this extended family. A _desire_ to do so.

"How do you know?" Jane is whispering.

"My sister and I," Lily says slowly. "We were…we were like you and Frankie…"

"Okay," Jane says flatly, not needing more of an explanation. Maura turns the similarities over in her mind, siblings who relied on each other for support.

"And when I thought I would lose her, I almost exploded."

"Yeah," Jane says with a nod, but Lily interrupts her, sounding intense.

"No," she says. "I mean, yes, you probably have your own word for it, but I don't mean I lashed out at other people, though I did. And I don't mean that I was self-destructive, though I was. I mean that there was-"

"A supernova inside of your chest cavity," Jane says. "Yeah. I know."

Maura is unable to hold off any longer. She comes to the doorway of the kitchen, smiling at the sight of Jane and Lily, sitting at the dining room table, over their beers. Maura meets her wife's eyes.

"Well," Lily says softly, grinning. "Well, how about that." She looks back at Jane. "That's how you know, kid," she says. "That's how you know you'll do what you have to, and nothing less."

…

…

 _It is Lily who threatens to shoot Frank Rizzoli if he doesn't leave the waiting area outside of Elena's room. Lily, who puts one hand on her gun and the other on Jane's shoulder, protectively, and tells him that working cold cases does not mean she doesn't know how to use it._

 _Frank sputters a lot. He throws around a lot of insults that Maura knows must pierce the very inside of Jane's heart._

 _Lily tells him to 'shut his homophobic mouth before she feeds him his own ass.'  
There is something about the way her blue eyes turn fire when she is angry. _

_Maura is proud and in love. Lou throws her an impressed look._

 _It is Lily who grabs Angela by the arm as the couple is leaving and tells her that she should be ashamed of herself._

" _No woman should be made to choose," Maura hears her say, "But your hand was forced. And you have made the incorrect decision."_

 _Angela looks scared, but she also might look a little guilty._

 _Jane catches a case involving the assault and murder of a girl not much older than Mags, her body shoved into a suitcase, and left like garbage._

 _She and Lily sit up late, late into the night discussing this case, and when Jane finally solves it, Lily takes her to The Dirty Robber to celebrate, just the two of them._

 _._

 _It is Lou who takes Mags to by her Christmas Pageant Halo, who teaches her the song, "Hark the Herald Angels Sing." It is Lou who comes over with Wyatt and Marc on Black Friday and falls asleep on Maura's couch in front of the third showing of A Christmas Story._

 _When she wakes up, she tells the other doctor that her wife's hands are hurting all the time now. The cold of Boston is harder, it settles in deeper._

 _Maura shows Lou how to rub, from the inside to the out. She shows her where to take care, and where to press harder._

" _Do you two talk about Hoyt?" Lou asks her. "Does she talk about what went on down there? Or after?"_

 _And Maura could tell by the way Lou asked her, that she and Jane talked about it, possibly at length._

" _No," Maura had said, pointing out a spot between the first and second knuckle that Lou should not forget. "No. I think that's just for the two of you."_

 _Louisa knows by then that the doctor cannot lie. She is not fully successful at hiding her relief._

…

…

 _ **Maura. Come to the hospital now. Please.**_

It is three days before Christmas, and her family is scattered around the city, but she shoots a 911 text to Lily at the precinct and bundles Mags into the car.

They meet Elena's Oncologist, Dr. Andrews on the way in, and he slows down to address her, smiling widely.

"You on your way to celebrate with Jane and Louisa?" he asks cheerfully. "They've got a hell of a little fighter there."

Maura feels like all of the wind has been knocked out of her. Mags asks the question she cannot.

"The Cancer is gone? It worked?"

And the doctor looks down at her, nodding. "I'd say we'll be able to call it remission officially just after Christmas," he says. "But we'll definitely get her home in time for Santa."

And Maura doesn't have time to catch her breath, before Mags is pulling her towards the elevator, squealing excitedly.

"Use your pass, Mommy! Use your pass."

It is flagrant abuse of power, but Maura does it without hesitation.

Lou and Jane are kissing in the hallway outside of Elena's room. Wyatt standing shakily next to Jane's leg, hands holding tight to her pants.

Jane has Lou's face cupped in her hands, and the kiss they're exchanging is full and desperate. They are both almost crying. They are both nearly hysterical with laughter.

"Gross," Mags says, dropping her mother's hand and running down the hall. She stops next to Wyatt. "Can I take him to see her?" she asks, and Lou pulls away from Jane, bending to pick her son up.

"Let's both go," she says. "We've been waiting for you to do the victory dance."

Mags, Maura's usually quiet, placid daughter, whoops loudly enough for an echo. And Maura laughs as the three of them disappear through the door.

She steps up to Jane, smiling.

Jane grins at her, her expression full of shock and disbelief.

And then she bursts into tears. She puts her hands over her face and leans back against the wall, sliding downwards until she is squatting.

Maura kneels in front of her, putting her hands around both of Jane's wrists, but not pulling. Not yet.

"Breathe," she says, because she cannot hear the brunette take in air. "Breathe, sweetness."

Jane takes two deep, shaky breaths that devolve into tears again.

"Okay," Maura says, moving closer. "Okay, it's okay. Let it out. She's okay."

Jane's hands come away from her face, and around Maura's neck. "Lena," she says, shaking her head against Maura's shoulder. "Remission."

"My dear," Maura says softly. "You've done it." And she kisses the side of Jane's head, just above her temple. "Sweetheart. Keep breathing."

There are tears in her own eyes, but she holds them in, at least until she sees Lily skid around the corner at the end of the hall.

Her wife takes in the scene, and her face falls. She looks at Maura, wide eyed, and Maura pulls away long enough to shake her head. "Remission," she mouths, over enunciating.

Lily's face cracks into a smile. She puts both hand to her mouth.

.

Maura helps Jane to her feet, and the three of them enter Elena's room, where the victory dance has already started.

Elena is even up and out of bed, dancing as well as she can, using Mags' hand for support.

Lou is sitting on the edge of the bed, Wyatt standing on her lap.

"Touchdown!" he says when he sees them enter. "Mama! Touchdown! Kitten!"

His favorite words. The happiest he can think of.

Lily laughs, a soft, unassuming sound that makes Maura want to hold onto her. "This calls for a take-out feast," she says, to general cheering. "Who's up for fried chicken!?"

"I want pizza," Mags says.

"I want Cake!" Elena chimes in excitedly.

"No!" Lou says, still laugh crying. "Cupcakes!"

Maura could go for some Chinese, and bottle of cheap white wine, but she turns to look at Jane, who is just watching them all, contented.

"Miss Rizzoli," she says, quietly enough that the others don't here. "What do you want?"

Jane looks at her, she beams.

"My family loves me," she answers. "I have everything I've ever wanted."


End file.
